Confessions of a Recovering Workaholic

"Hello, my name is Harsh and I'm a workaholic."

I come from a long line of people with a self-consuming work ethic. People who take (excessive) pride in their jobs, and are extremely (and at times blindly) loyal to their employers. That combined with an inherent fear of letting people down and the immigrant mentality of 'working twice as hard to prove yourself' meant that, like no tolerance for misbehaving children during Sunday mass, overworking was in my blood. 

So, it didn't strike me as unusual when I started to put work before everything – including personal time, relationships, physical and mental health. This high went on for 13 years until few years back the inevitable happened – it all came crashing down.

One dreary Spring, I found myself out of a job, home and relationship, all at once. With work having taken so much for so long in my life – I couldn't fathom what else could possibly fill that void. As I spiralled through to summer carrying an irrational shame about being unemployed, and a very rational fear of failing to pay the bills and possible deportation, something unexpected happened. For the first time as an adult, I was living life untethered from work. 

As years of cortisol and adrenalin build up began to leave, there it all was, as clear as the skin of every Idols contestant after becoming famous, the misplaced priorities, self-harming values and toxic patterns, laid out to see. So, I did what I do best – I took stock, made lists, labelled and started to clear out the junk.

A new job, a new house and professional psychological support later, I'm hardly fixed. But dare I say, I'm a little bit more aware and equipped to keep workaholism at check. Ever since, these are the 5 warning signs I've learned to watch out for:

1. Work, work, work, work, work, work

If you've dabbled in a new venture you're probably all too familiar with this phenomenon – there's an impossible goal but little to no help, knowhow or funding to reach it. So you come to the delusional conclusion that working even harder is the way to go. And you're working 14 hours a day, 7 days a week to move a needle you weren't even hired to move in the first place.

If you find yourself gasping for breath on this hamster wheel – stop. Recognize the problem. You're not working hard, you're overworking. The next step from here is not success, it's burnout. Speaking of burnouts, did you know you can get burned out at a job you love? I didn't, until I did.

Anyhow, remind yourself that this is not your company to save. And if it is, then, like Sophie, you've got a choice to make – your company or your wellbeing. My two cents, pick yourself.

2. Faking it until you're breaking it

For the longest time I was the 'willing to wear many hats' person. I'd gush with pride for having done everything from changing lightbulbs to leading sales meetings, and happily take on any and all responsibilities, way, way outside my job scope. Then I woke up and realized, I'm not a damn hat rack.

I'm a communications specialists with a specific set of skills and interests. While I strongly believe we cannot exist in silos and should support each other, I do not want to be selling, coding, auditing or doing tasks outside of my scope – and then being judged for my performance, or lack of it. 

So now, I pay a lot more attention to how well my skills are matched. Because for me, faking it, while a perfectly adequate strategy for many things in life, just doesn't work for work.

3. Imposed imposter syndrome

As I've come to understand, the imposter syndrome is as common as robot-followers on social media, even more so in women, minorities and new comers at work. So, many a times I've found myself telling that little voice in my head, who by the way is no cheerleader, that the insecurities will eventually pass.

All the while, I did't notice the voices outside my head ever so subtly belittling my efforts, chipping away at my confidence and just talking over me. Sometimes, it's really not you, it's them.

I've come to learn that there are certain workplaces and situations that you just can't fit into because you're just too different. And what's worse, not only are you unable to add any value in these situations, they actually reduce your value and most likely that of the company's too. So, just walk away, and find a workplace that doesn't make you feel like a fraud.

4. Mistaking bullying for leadership

Thinking back to the management lectures I took on the down low, we learned a lot of different leadership styles. But not enough about what it doesn't looks like. 

Goes without saying, I've had some amazing mentors throughout my career. But I've also had those who used me as a (metaphorical) punching bag, the go to scapegoat whenever sh*t hit the fan or collective decisions backfired, punchline of demeaning jokes, etc. In those moments, specially the more subtle ones when you know you're feeling terrible but unsure why, I remember thinking and being told, 'Don't take it personally, this is just their style of leadership. They are just very honest and direct'.

Thankfully, specially to TikTok waging Gen Z's, we now know that intent is not an excuse. What matters is how it made you feel, and if the person who's meant to lead you at work is making you feel terrible, like that on again off again relationship fiasco in college, something needs to change here too. 

5. Letting the job define you

When I was between jobs, I had to attend a friend's graduation party. Leading up to it I dreaded thinking 'how will I introduce myself', 'what if someone asks me what I'm doing', 'what will I talk about'?!! The day after the party as I was reminiscing events from the night before, I realized no one, not even once asked me about my work. It was a magnificent new world to wake upto.

I've now come to terms with the obvious realization that my work does not define me. I do not save lives nor the planet (directly) for a living. Besides, with or without a job, the skills, experience and values I have will always stay intact. I am so much more that a single job in a single company. At least, this is what I tell myself whenever I feel that I'm slipping again – and so far it has worked.

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What is you relationship with work and how are you keeping it real? I'd love to know.