Sexist Norm Vs Forced Feminism

The latest target of my binge watching addiction is Scandal, a popular American political thriller tv series created by the infamous Shonda Rhimes. Having spent an unjustifiable amount of time watching back to back episodes of the same, I hit completely unexpected gold on 21 minute into Episode 16 of the 4th series "It's good to be kink", as the character Abigale Whelan - White House Press Secretary, gives a piece of her feminist mind to her boyfriend Leo Bergen, a crisis manager in Washington DC. It is fantastic 2 minutes of Abi explaining how she is not simply judged for her talent and personality, but also the colour of her hair, makeup, attire and weight. How every article written about her mentions Leo giving her an elevated identity, value or definition as a woman desired, wanted and owned by a man, a deciding factor of her success, which is not the same for him, or a man. She concludes by resuming to write her letter of resignation forecasting the inevitable blow to her reputation, and resultantly role and career at the White House, brought forth by the reveal of his sex scandal, which ironically she is not a part of. This made me think.

I cannot comprehensively discuss the subject of feminism, a fundamental notion which demands equality for all, with my simple writing in this simple blog post, nor do I have the urge to do so. I do however want to think out loud my thought process of how sexism for me has become a social norm, and as I grow older and wiser how I have to pay particular attention to correct my dialogue, behaviour and attitude on a daily basis to break away from this terrible habit. In this light, I want to share a few personal experiences to demonstrate how like creation vs evolution, sexism vs feminism too are notions systematically taught and passed on from generation to generation.

Don't be such a pussy, as in a little cat!
Having heard and used this phrase without giving it much thought all my life, I recently blurted it out to a friend as a final resort to convincing her to cycle to town at night in the rain. As my brilliant, smart and raging feminist friend stared back at me with the devil in her eyes, I found myself taking a step back and saying, 'like a little cat. Pussy, as in a little cat', but we both knew what I meant. Lying in my bed later that night I wondered why being a woman myself, knowing how this organ capable of pushing a tiny human out of it, bleeding, stretching and tearing in the process, yet immaculately recovering, possibly one of the most physically strong organs in the human body is something I associate with weakness. I thought of all the times I laughed at someone saying, 'you screamed like a little girl', because for me someone screaming like a little girl, not a boy but specifically a girl, was the ultimate sign of weakness (I now have changed the phrase to 'like a baby'). I realized that I do not in anyway think little girls or vaginas are signs of weakness. However, over the years I've heard and learnt that the society did, subsequently using this incorrect deduction to communicate with other social creatures.

Because she asked for it!
At a recent careers event I attended a prominent female lawyer told a group of us she prefers hiring women over men. When my friend asked her why, the lawyer replied, "because they ask for lower salaries. They are more talented and caring, and they provide a much better service to our clients. Women underestimate their value". All hell did break lose, by which I mean my friend told her very politely how she disagreed with her recruitment policy and walked away after which we spoke of what a God awful person she was and complained about her to the event organizers. I didn't really over think or take any action until I mentioned the incident to one of my best friends, a boy, who asked me, "why are you so angry with her (female lawyer)? She was just stating a fact. Women were asking lower salaries so its their fault. It's just how the market works". At the time I felt this overwhelming sensation in my chest but I couldn't think of any comeback except for "it's just not fair", which would definitely not stand in love, war or a court of justice. However, come to think of it I now realize what's so preposterous about this statement, apart from the obvious wage inequality, is we are living in a society which has identified a destructive pattern of women undervaluing themselves compared to their male counterparts within the labour market, but as opposed to educating and empowering them has decided to use the phenomenon to its economical advantage.

Topnotch waist!
Over the years I've been compared against a multitude of beauty standards held for women in different parts of the world and measured to be above, below or average due to too much or lack of one thing or the other. Among many criticisms and compliments that have come my way one that stuck was when a certain young man told me, "you do have a top notch waist". Ever since I've held on to that magical moment and revisited it whenever I'm having a literal or metaphorical bad hair day. In fact, triggered by my new found admiration of the waist, I've dedicated a considerable part of my gym routine to ensuring it stays the same and gets even more definition. However, following my new found and long overdue wave of feminism a memory came back when another young man once told me how he truly admired my style of writing and the general determination with which I go through life. Sadly this memory was vague and I couldn't remember word for word what was said, unlike the compliment on my waistline. Thinking back I realized romantic partners or those pursuing to be romantic partners, have always complimented my smile, hair, skin, waist, legs, laugh, cooking, dancing, essentially something they can see or consume but never my ambition, sense of humour, intellect or wit, and if they did I hardly remembered it. Though my tindr profile says, 'nothing is more attractive than a great sense of humour' and I, myself, am attracted to ambition, drive and personality, and dish out plenty of compliments in the same, I've always been appreciated for being a pretty face and apparently remain happy about it.

I can indeed go on and on about how I'm labeled as the girl who's into Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey and Justin Bieber, when my diverse and vast taste in literature, films and music from Jeffrey Archer to Queen are always overlooked, simply because I enjoy some of the 'stereotypical mainstream entertainment'. I can speak about how overrated sex is for a woman as the sole act which decides her reputation on a scale of a saint to a whore. I can talk about my inherent necessity to please any man I'm involved with irrespective of his treatment towards me in the fear of him leaving me otherwise, essentially making me incomplete and less of a woman, as I am consistently told how at the end of the day, unless you're a nun (bearing in mind Jesus Christ and God are also men), a women needs a man to make her whole. I can bring many examples from the past and present, from religion and art, from the east and west demonstrating how everyday sexism is indeed a social norm. Of course we can talk about men or homosexuals, the list goes on and on but the common denominator is to realize how sexism is the norm and its been taught, enforced, practiced and passed on around dinner tables, school yards and oval offices. It has crept into our subconscious, and nourished by shallow arguments of biology, religion and culture, one cannot help but wonder if it has eventually penetrated the neurons and genes essentially making it a biological trait. So yes I am a feminist. Though I very much like men, bras, cooking and romantic comedies, I am a raging feminist. I would like to declare a war against everyday sexism. If only the society would drop its weapons against Syria, Brussels, Paris, North Korea, Guantánamo, Iraq, Afghanistan etc. and come join me...