Prefix:
The target group in question are men between the ages of 28 - 38 living within 161km radium from east-Helsinki. Yes, that also includes some of Estonia and the Gulf of Finland (i.e. sailors, pirates, secret agents riding submarines, etc.)
1. Facial hair is a thing
I don't know if it has something to do with having little to no access to barbers during lockdown, but man have people gone to town with those beards. I know for a fact how hard it is for men with blond hair to grow beards in the first place. But apparently, that has not stopped them from trying and from the looks of it thriving. As a woman into no-nonsense military hair grooming standards (which essentially means clean shaven face and a super duper short haircut) I'm not going to lie, the struggle is real. Having to guess if the bloke is quite the hunk underneath all that hair has significantly slowed down my average swiping pace. Keeping my fingers crossed that the opening of barber shops and the summer heat will have some effect on the overall hair length of this target group during the up coming weeks.
2. Hello, Tampere
Hands down there's something in the water in Tampere, because the said target group in that area... are the bomb. I mean... ooh la laa. I've actually observed a similar trend 2 years ago and have heard some of my female friends comment on it as well. Can I concretely back this fact with some scientific evidence? Nope. Do I go "Daaaaamn boy... look at you doin dat thang!" when I see a lad from Tampere? Quite often, yes. So you'll just have to take my word for it.
3. Deceptively cute pet picts
I've fallen into this trap before. You see the most adorbs puppy or kitten, and think "sure, this is enough evidence to prove that the owner is boyfriend material". Of course, I've stopped myself in the nick of time. But guys are still doing it. The first picture is a straight up melt-your-heart-adorable German Shepherd. This one time I scrolled through to realize both the dog and man have grown a decade since. Not cool man, not cool. So a big no to only/majority pet pictures.
4. Photos of kids
Bear with me, this is going somewhere politically correct. It's really great if someone is being upfront and stating that he has kids. It definitely helps to give a clear picture and set expectations. But is it necessary to include pictures of them? I really think not! Apps like Bumble and Tinder are crawling with all sorts of people, with many different motivations. In my opinion it's a gross neglect of privacy and confidentiality of the child to share his or her photos online, particularly in this context. What's even weird is that some guys have a picture of them posing with a tiny kid alongside the the caption, 'the kid in the picture is not mine. He's my neighbour/nephew/godson. LOL!'. I mean seriously, what is up adults? You need to be better than this. Just straight up say you want to have children of your own soon. So that's an absolute no, to including kids pictures.
5. Where did the shirts go?
Again, I'm not sure if this is fuelled by the 'summer mode' we have all supposedly been swept by, but roughly 1 in 2 profiles I encounter have pictures of shirtless men. I mean, it's not even in a contextually appropriate circumstance like on the beach or by a swimming pool. Just in the middle of the living room. No shirt. Honestly, for me, it's too much. I appreciate a well sculptured male torso like any other person into men, but now you've taken away the element of surprise. The sense of mystery. It's all there on my phone screen like, 'look at me!'. No one, no one is too sexy for their shirt outside of the right context. So leave it on. Just do a strategic flex to show some of that definition underneath if you must. In general, just leave it on.
6. Extreme lifestyles
I'm seeing a lot of pictures showing guys doing some super amazing things. Either they are skydiving, surfing, climbing mountains, car racing, etc. You name it, they are doing it. This is all well and good. But sometimes every picture on a profile is of a guy doing some extreme sport or activity. Then it makes me wonder, firstly what does this person look like when he's not wearing all that protective gear and not getting hit by winds at 120 miles per hour. Secondly, do they do ordinary things like drink coffee, go to the supermarket or spend time with a partner. I think it's important to have images depicting ordinary day to day life (but well groomed of course with a radiant filter) when it comes to dating profiles. If not expectations vs reality is going to be like that punch in the gut feeling you get, when you cliff jump, and hit the water wrong.
7. Cultural obliviousness
This is possibly my biggest deal breaker ever. I've seen guys posing at the holocaust memorial in Berlin, taking selfies with children who are begging in the streets, petting a drugged lion, riding elephants/camels who've clearly been tortured into submission and absolutely deserve to roam in the wild instead, I mean the list goes on. We are in the 21st century which means not only do we have access to dating apps but also information. We know better. We should know better. There's a big difference between observing and understanding the life journey a particular person, animal or natural scape has gone through, and then just using it as a backdrop for your perfect social media picture. So just do better.
8. Obsessive Gym Disorder
So then, I know we live in the era of CrossFit and avocado toast but man, the proportion of gym to no gym photos are disturbingly disproportionate. I've gone through entire 8 picture profiles where every single one was of the guy in the gym. Working out or flexing by different machines or mirrors. I've specifically checked if they are personal trainers, professional athletes or sports models. Nope. They're just your average developers, accountants and project managers like you and me. So then what is up with all the gym photos? Seriously, I'm asking you, do you know what is going on? It's fair to say for me working out is means to an end. I enjoy the long walks and bike rides but apart from that I do the rest to keep that weight in check. However, I understand if someone is really interested in sports or working out in general. I really do. But every picture being in the gym is just taking it to the next level. Then I'm all worried thinking maybe he's homeless. Maybe he just goes to the gym a lot so he can shower there. Everything in moderation.
9. Multilingual travel bugs
Another trend I've seen are people listing out all the countries they've been to and languages they can speak using flag emojis. Sometimes the profiles will just say "I've been to X, Y, Z, XX, YY, ZZ, .... countries" and that's it. Don't get me wrong. If I had a super power, I want to be able to speak every language in the world. And I think travelling is the most mind opening thing one can do. But when did it become a criteria to make you the ideal mate? For some people travelling is not an option. There's visa, monetary, physical and other restrictions that can stop them. But does that make them less worthy contenders? Also, for some people travelling is going to a five star hotel somewhere, lying in the sun all day and eating their heart out at the hotel buffet. Does that add any value to their life experience? On the other hand, knowing what languages one speaks is quite handy information, since after all communication is the foundation of any relationship. But then again what's the line between someone describing themselves and advertising themselves for a potential interpreter job? Personally, I'd much rather know a few random facts about your interests, personality, likes, dislikes, hopes and dreams, than your itinerary for the past 2 decades.
10. Finding a match is not easy
I bet after reading the above 9 points you're already thinking, "No shit Sherlock! With that level of chronic scrutiny, I bet it's difficult for you to find a match". True. I'm not going to deny that. I've swiped right on maybe 5 out of 500 suitors and those 5 haven't swiped right back on me. Rascals! However, as a 31 year old woman my taste has refined a wee bit. I'm really not ok with a bloke who hasn't washed his hair since Trump got elected and is skateboarding through Northern Europe while taking a break from writing his thesis for the last 10 years. I mean everyone is free to live life the way they want. But God knows I need a roof over my head, a traditional job that brings a fixed income and a man who doesn't live off the grid. Also I've come to realize that my slate is not clean. I have so much baggage, ghosts and skeletons from the past weighing me down. I swear half the time I find myself searching for someone who fits a familiar memory from the past, than just searching for someone. So no, it's definitely not easy. I totally underestimated how challenging the search for love on the internet would be.
Nevertheless, as we say back at home, 'the door will open to those who knock'. I'll keep you posted on how the quest goes. Meanwhile, what's your search for 'the one', like? Let me know.
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