10 Workplace Sayings We Should Retire

In my 20's I kept a bright blue, sparkly notebook of 'uplifting' sayings I'd come across - be it in a book, bathroom stall or a late night tv show. Now in my 30's, I've been angry-typing (and saving as drafts) the most annoying things I hear into a message on Whatsapp to someone I've blocked for a while.

I think it's about time few of the latter made their way into a wee bit more public forum, each one backed by a brief rant explanation as to why we should stop saying them. So, here are 10 things I've heard at/about the workplace that are just 'immediately no!':

1. "The client is always right"
   So, let me get this straight. The client turns to an expert on the task at hand for professional guidance. The expert could be anyone from a Pest Controller to a Management Consultant. But if there's a disagreement as to how to do the task at hand that the expert in question does for a living, the person who asked for their professional help, the client, is always right? Girl, please.
   
   The bottom line is stellar customer service shouldn't cost your employees' dignity. It's time to move on from a customer-first approach to a people-first one.
   
   
2. "No offence, I'm just being honest"
   If you have to start the sentence with 'no offence', I think we can agree that 'offence' is very likely to follow. 'Honesty', 'getting straight to the point', 'direct feedback', 'following the brief' – these do not exempt you from being 'blatantly rude'. And no, asking your co-workers to simply know that you always have the best interest at heart, doesn't fly anymore.
   
   Just say what you have to say politely. And if it takes 10 second more for you to be a little bit more polite every time, so be it.
   
   
3. "Don't take it personally"
   
   
   
   This one gets me every time. Just think about it – something hurtful has happened to me. I am feeling bad. Then someone comes up to me and says, 'Even though this happened to YOU and YOU are feeling bad, don't take it personally. The person who's causing you pain actually causes pain for everyone, and we've come to live with it. So YOU, the one who got hurt, should learn to control your reactions and move on'.
   
   Of course, it's personal. It happened to me. It hurt me. How about I eat your precious packed lunch and ask you to not take it personally? Tell me, how would you feel then?
   
   
4. "I’m sooo grateful to have this job"
   Guilty! This was one of my mantras. To be fair, it's something I was raised with. Goes without saying, I am always grateful for a job that involves inspiring work, great people and a sweet, sweet pay check. But as a friend so eloquently put it, 'they wouldn't have hired you if you were crap'.
   
   Precisely - I was hired because I clearly had something to offer. So, while a 'job' is an amazing opportunity, wrapped in a relationship, wrapped in a lifestyle, at its core, it's a financial exchange of services. If you're giving it your best, you're good.
   
   
5. "Forget CV, think (viral) video"
   
   
   This is one of the many tips I got, the last time I reached out to my network during a job hunt. Never-mind that meticulously documented record of how, where and when I've busted my a*s getting relevant work experience; nor all the courses I've taken to expand and update my skills; nor the fact that I'm a professional writer, not an actor nor video producer; nor that I could be an introvert or camera shy or just have a very different set of skills to that needed to creating viral videos--
   
   --I've now got to jump out of a helicopter while shouting out reasons why I'd make the 'best candidate ever', share it on every social platform and ask everyone I know to comment, like and share for visibility, and tag the corporate account of the company I'm applying for on 'Hire Harsh for the job' CTA, so I'd get invited to an interview or at least a shoutout on Twitter.
   
   For the love of LinkedIn, is it really too much to ask to go back to a simpler time when we allowed relevant knowledge, skills and motivation to speak for itself?
   
   
   
6. "Unpaid internships are great opportunities"
   So, we have this emerging talent full of potential, fresh perspectives and (most likely, at least) systematic academic training. They join X company and do actual work, that would otherwise need to be done by someone else who's paid for their time. In return, X company offers interns 'the opportunity to learn' and 'valuable job experience'. On a different note, X company (by default) trains and onboards every (paid) employee who joins the company and invests in continuously developing their skills. Oh and also, X company gains measurable financial and non-financial benefits from the work that unpaid workers do.
   
   Meanwhile, the unpaid worker is living in a cardboard box with 5 college mates, rationing Lidl-brand ramen and using their future career dreams to stay warm at night... I think not! If you are not paying your interns yet, shame on you. In this economy? Away with your bourgeois sweat shop!
   
   
7. "You're paid what you negotiate"
   
   
   
   If you're shouting things like 'free market', 'capitalism', 'ask and you shall receive' at the screen, well, I can't hear you. Nevertheless, I do know something about supply and demand. But you can't compare human beings to British government bonds.
   
   People, though they may share the same level of skills and qualifications, come from very different places of vulnerability. After 7 years of living in Finland, I still wake up in sweats thinking what I'd do if I were to lose my job. Because my legal eligibility to remain in this country depends on my job, and nothing else. I'll probably always grapple with the insecurity of feeling I need the job more than it needs me (flashback to literally every romantic relationship I've had).
   
   In this day and age, we really shouldn't pay people what they negotiate – we should pay them what they deserve.
   
   
8. "Talking about salaries is taboo"
   This is one of the most successful strategies ever implemented to maintain systematic workplace ignorance that uniquely benefit those who pay salaries and significantly disadvantage those who receive them.
   
   Talking about salaries is not about finding how much your co-worker makes so you can rob them. It's about knowing if you're fairly compensated, how competitive your salary is compared to the national/industry average, and making sure you have a strong foothold if and when you're considering a new job offer. So, I say, in between those 'did you catch the new episode' and 'what should we eat for lunch', talk about how much you make, as often as you can.
   
   
9. "Marketing/advertising is like sex: only losers pay for it"
   According to Google it was Antonio Garcia Martinez who supposedly coined this colourful phrase. Do check out his other 'best quotes' (not linking them here 'cause I really don't want to help optimize this content).
   
   Honestly, I don't even know where to begin. Perhaps we can start where the delusion of gradual organic growth ends and the reality of exponential inorganic growth begins. Then move on to the blatant disrespect for marketers, sex workers and people who receive organized sexual facilitation for multitudes of reason. Then end at finding a better way to express that you're either unwilling or unable to pay to accelerate the growth of your business.
   
   
10. "Don't say anything bad about your (former) employer"
    
    
    This definitely is the other most successful strategy invented to prevail a culture of silence. While job seekers are expected to provide multiple references, if they dare to provide any constructive views on their current/former employer, said candidate is 'immediately cancelled for talking smack'.
    
    This is not ok. Every job seeker has the right to constructively review their work experience and (in an ideal world) have an open discussion with former/current/new employer about what went wrong and what could be done better. Also, new employees have the right to know if their 'I started a new job' LinkedIn announcement is the foreword to a toxic workplace story that'll scar them for life.
    
    If not, anonymous, undefendable and pretty blunt commentary will always find a way to surface when you least expect it (I'm looking at you, Jodel – you might be the drama, but every now and then I'm glad you are here).

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Are there any work related sayings that makes you want to shout into an anonymous platform or kick a pigeon? I'd love to add them to my list too.